Everyday Ethics

Personal confrontations are a part of life, and there is really no getting around that.  Most of us hate to confront people about issues that come up among us, and some people will avoid confrontations to the point of dysfunction.  Others are only too happy to confront people, but do so in a way that is hurtful, mean-spirited, and counter-productive to resolving the actual problem.  It seems that before we confront others about conflicts that arise, we ought to think about the right way to do so.

The ethical implications of personal confrontations are pretty simple.  Confrontations are personal interactions, and most of us think that there are standards regarding how we ought to treat others when we interact with them.  So there is a basic level of respectable conduct that we all should adhere to in personal confrontations.  But confrontations are also potentially emotional activities, sometimes to a significant degree.  It is thus worth our time to think about some basic principles that we ought to follow in confronting others.

First, when we confront people, we ought to tell the truth and be as accurate as possible in explaining what the problem is.  It typically makes conflict more difficult to resolve when we exaggerate issues or embellish details in order to make a point.  This does not make people more likely to work with you in resolving the issue, and it violates societal standards about the immorality of lying in general.

Next, confrontations should be as private as possible.  It is not necessary to provide entertainment or gossip fodder for your office or work environment, and the person you confront may be tempted to take “face-saving” evasive maneuvers if they are confronted publicly.  Ethically speaking, public confrontations are excessively painful for the person being confronted, and most people would likely agree that we ought to avoid causing excess pain when we are able to do so.

Finally, confrontations should be meaningful and relevant.  If the guy in the next cubicle blows his nose a lot, and you find it annoying, this is probably not something you should confront him about.  First, it may be a medical problem that cannot be helped.  More importantly, this is relatively minor in the big scheme of things, and it’s probably easier and more efficient to find a way to deal with it yourself. 

On the other hand, if your coworker is a chronic slacker who flaunts his laziness to the detriment of your own workload, you should probably confront him about it.  People have a right to autonomy, meaning that there is a certain level at which people should be permitted to do what they want as long as it’s not harming others.  This means that you ought to leave the nose-blower alone because he’s not really hurting anyone, but its okay to yell at the office slacker because he definitely is causing genuine problems.

This is by no means a comprehensive or universal list of tactics for being ethical in your personal confrontations.  In most cases, circumstances will dictate what sorts of ethical requirements should be emphasized.  Our primary concern is simply to point out that confrontations are a great opportunity to think about everyday ethics, as well as presenting us with the chance to develop our ethical selves.  So get out there and confront people (or not).  It not only helps resolve problems, it also helps us be better people. 

About the Author

Elijah Weber is a graduate student at Bowling Green State University. He holds a Master's degree in philosophy from Colorado State University, and Bachelor’s degrees in sociology and philosophy from Chapman Univerity. He currently lives in Bowling Green, Ohio with his wife Laura, his newborn son Brandon, and his feline life-partner Monte.